


you do something to me that i can't explain

by likeanchors



Category: One Direction (Band), Radio 1 RPF
Genre: Angst, Angsty Schmoop, Emotional Constipation, M/M, idiocy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-22
Updated: 2013-02-22
Packaged: 2018-01-26 03:33:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1673132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/likeanchors/pseuds/likeanchors
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'i miss you' is a lot harder to say than it should be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you do something to me that i can't explain

“Hey.” Nick’s voice was uncharacteristically quiet, even to his own ears  when the call connected.

 

“Nick!” Louis practically shouted down the phone, a loud hyena sounding laugh and raucous jeering echoing down the line. “Nick? you there?”

 

“Yeah.” Nick tried desperately not to groan or sigh or make any of those passive sounds he usually made when he was feeling way out of his comfort zone. “Where are you?”

 

“In the bar,” Louis sounded almost breathless and from the sounds of the laughter and the badly calculated time difference, Nick figured he was stinking drunk.

 

“Oh.” For a brief moment Nick wished he had one of those old phones with the spiral cord that he could twist his fingers in rather than a cordless mobile phone that afforded him no distraction whatsoever. Settling for twisting his fingers in the hem of his t-shirt, Nick took a deep breath. “I thought you might be in your room or something.” Nick didn’t know why he was explaining, Louis rarely remembered the small details after a heavy night of drinking. “I’ll call you tomorrow or something, yeah?”

 

“Oh– I, yeah.” Louis fumbled over his words and Nick could almost imagine his face scrunched up as he tried to concentrate on the sequence of words his brain was providing but his lips couldn’t quite keep up with.

 

“Bye, Lou.”

 

Nick hung up without waiting for Louis to reply and pulled the duvet up over his head before curling onto his side. Scowling at the bedding, Nick dragged Louis’ pillow from his side of the bed and cuddled into it before forcing himself to go back to sleep. Saturdays were for resting, not for getting up ridiculously early.

 

**

 

Nick had the oven door open and the steaming hot flimsy black plastic ready-meal container half-way between the oven and the counter when his phone went. As expected his finger slipped off the tea towel and straight on to the burning hot plastic; Nick let out a howl of pain before clumsily dropping the container on to the bench, some of the gravy sloshing out. Sticking his finger into his mouth, Nick picked up the phone and hissed out a gruff, “what?” around the offending digit.

 

“Alright, babe?”

 

Louis sounded deliciously husky and for the briefest of moments Nick forgot the throbbing pain in his finger. “Burned my finger,” Nick mumbled. “You just get up?”

 

“Yeah. Checked my phone and noticed you called.” Louis yawned and Nick could practically see him in his mind’s eye all stretched out on his back, one knee bent at what should be an awkward angle but was oddly comfortable for Louis, while his hand covered his eyes. “Anything important?”

 

“Nope.” Nick glared down at the congealed mess of beef and gravy and what looked like it could’ve been either potato or plasticine and wrinkled his nose. “Nothing important.”

 

Pressing his elbows against the countertop, Nick cradled his chin with one hand and looked at the clock. “Just how rough are you feeling today?” Nick asked, his eyes watching the second hand dance around the clock face.

 

“I want to die,” Louis confessed with a pitiful chuckle. “We’ve got interviews in a couple of hours so I’ve got to at least try to pull myself together sometime soon.”

 

Nick tried to smile but found he couldn’t muster the energy for it, instead he settled for cooing a soft, “Aww,” down the phone.

 

“You sure everything’s okay?” Louis sounded almost hesitant and Nick was about to answer honestly when he heard a loud insistent banging coming from Louis’s end. “I don’t know if you can hear that, but that’s my wake up call.”

 

Nick felt his stomach drop and he let a soft harrumph. “Make sure you drink plenty of water and try not to rip anyone to shreds today.” Nick thought he actually managed to sound sincere. “I’ll talk to you soon.”

 

Louis might’ve been saying something but Nick hit end call anyway. He was too tired to deal with this, whatever it was, right now.

 

Pushing the now lukewarm tub of food to the edge of the counter, Nick watched it as it tipped and fell into the waiting bin below before he dragged himself upstairs and into bed.

 

**

 

_I’d rather be under the covers with you, listening to you snore, than sitting here answering the same five questions twenty times a day. I’m going to bed, i’ll call you in the morning. Niiight! x_

 

Nick tried not to smile but failed miserably. Over Sunday brunch the assembled gang of London’s finest misfits tried to guess just what had put surly Grimmy in such a good mood.

 

“Surely our Nicholas isn’t smiling!” Pixie’s voice was lilting as Nick squirmed away from her fingers that were currently ruffling his hair. “The Boy Toy is in New York, shouldn’t we be keeping you away from sharp implements?”

 

Sam snorted but made a show of reaching over and removing Nick’s butter knife from beside his plate. “We don’t want any accidents, darling,” she simpered, smirking around her glass of water.

 

“Fuck off all of you,” Nick grumbled, pushing at Pixie’s hands that were still scrabbling at him. “Unhand me woman!”

 

“Tell us what’s got you in such a good mood and the harpies will let you be,” Tyler groaned, throwing one of his over-priced, over-salted fries at Nick.

 

Shaking his head, Nick fished the oily chip out of his lap and flung it back at Tyler. “No,” Nick ground out. “I can’t tell you everything. Go live your lives vicariously through someone else.”

 

“Ugh,” Pixie flopped back into her chair and crossed her arms beneath her boobs while side-eyeing Nick. “You’re no fun ever since you shacked up with Lou.”

 

“We’re hardly ‘shacked up’, darling,” Nick sighed, feeling more and more frustrated as this little inquisition went on. “I thought we were here to catch up!”

 

That seemed to do the trick, Sam launched into a full tirade about her latest conquest while Pix and Tyler interjected with their witty brand of sarcastic innuendo. No one seemed to notice that Nick kept glancing at his phone, or if they did, they ignored it, while the topics changed from minute to minute until he was pretty much ignoring the conversation.

 

Leaving just after two, Nick claimed a trans-atlantic phone meeting with mandatory attendance. Throwing himself down face first on to the couch, Nick napped until just after five when his phone started making more noise than was strictly necessary. He’d been having a good dream, thank you very much.

 

“This had better be very important,” Nick barked down the phone.

 

Louis actually had the audacity to laugh and Nick tried to be angry but it was a sound he missed so  much it actually made him ache momentarily. “I see someone woke up on the wrong side of the couch.”

 

“F’ck off. What d’you want?” Nick groaned, a small smile pushing at the corners of his lips as he pushed himself up into a semi-reclining position and rubbed his eyes with the heel of his hand.

 

“Just wanted to see how your coping without your daily cuddles.”

 

Rolling his eyes, Nick covered his face with his hand to hide his smile and let out a low breath. “You’re the one who lives off of cuddles.”

 

“I have an adequate supply of boys to cuddle me should I need them,” Louis pointed out in such a carefree way that Nick momentarily forgot he was referring to his band mates.

 

“Oh, well, good to know then, innit?” Nick was barely able to push the words out. His chest felt tight and hollow at the same time. Nick _knew_ Louis meant Haz, Liam, Niall and Zayn, he _knew_ but the small insecure part of him was much more awake than the rest of him right now. Without even realising it until it was done, Nick ended the call and curled up on his side. He reached out for the remote and put one of the music video channels on, flipping the channel over with a grunt when One Direction’s latest started playing.

 

Rolling on to his back, Nick stared up at the ceiling while some innocuous tv show played in the background. He wasn’t really listening, just grateful for the white noise that was blocking most of the thoughts that were speeding through his head. On the floor beside him, Nick’s phone lit up a total of six times with missed phone calls from Louis and a very put upon text message from Harry.

 

Somehow Nick managed to fall asleep, however fitfully.

 

**

 

“What skip did you crawl out of?”

 

Nick didn’t exactly mean to hiss at Fiona but it happened anyway. He was hardly in the mood for conversation let alone hosting duties but as they say, the show must go on. Nick felt like he was doing an okay job of it too, until Matt pointed out that he was being ruthlessly sarcastic and dangerously obnoxious sometime just before the eight-thirty news report.

 

Nick basically phoned the rest of the show in and fobbed off all offers of lunch and social interaction for the rest of the day.

 

Climbing into his too large and far too empty bed, Nick silenced his phone and wrapped himself in the duvet before cuddling Louis’s pillow to his chest. He was just drifting off when he realised the pillow barely even smelled like Louis anymore.

 

**

 

_saw this and thought of you_.

 

Attached to the text message was a mug with W.W.D.D.D. and a painted picture of Dr. Dre. checking the time. Nick pulled up the studio’s number and rasped down the phone that he wasn’t going to be able to come in today. There were a few long, agonising minutes of the station manager trying to guilt him into feeling like shite for calling them up at the last minute but Nick was too busy feeling sorry for himself to give a damn.

 

Nick couldn’t sleep though so he moved downstairs to the sofa and pulled his feet up under him. There was absolutely nothing on telly so he made himself a bowl of cereal and put on a slow, mournful guitar driven album that sounded pitifully whiney but made him feel just a tad bit better.

 

_It’s two am and i’m wide awake._

 

Nick stared down at his phone. He knew he was a jerk for not having replied to Louis’s calls and messages and he’d received more than three tersely worded paragraphs from Harry, Zayn _and_ Niall on the matter of his sucky phone etiquette. But for some reason he couldn’t find a way to type out what he wanted, no _needed_ , to say. His phone vibrated in his hand moments later.

 

_Why aren’t you at work?_

 

Nick let out a long breath and frowned down at the screen, tilting it just slightly so that the bright light stopped burning his eyes. How did Louis even know he wasn’t at work?

 

**_How’s... where are you today anyway?_ **

 

_Rubbish. I’ve apparently been terrible company so i’ve been left to fend for myself._

 

Nick nodded at the phone as if he understood- and he did understand because he’d been doing the same thing, but it was more of a self-imposed sort of arrangement.

 

**_Even Haz? That’s rough._ **

 

Nick actually had no idea what he was doing. He wanted – _needed_ – to apologise but he had absolutely no idea how to segue into that via text message. What was he supposed to say ‘Oh that sucks and by the way, sorry I’ve been a proper twat, I’m jealous as fuck and I miss you terribly’? It didn’t even occur to him that he should actually type that, minus the ‘oh that sucks’ part.

 

_Yeah. Guess so. So... sick?_

 

**_Nothing major_ **

 

_That’s good._

 

Nick wanted to scream, or cry, or break something – anything to stop himself from acting like the world’s biggest wanker but it was like he wasn’t even in control of his own limbs.

 

**_yeah_ **

 

_Nick?_

 

**_yeah?_ **

 

_I’m gonna go now. I hope you feel better._

 

Closing his eyes Nick swallowed around the lump at the back of his throat that had appeared out of nowhere and nodded as though Louis could see him. Nick quickly typed back a ‘Thanks, sleep well’ before resting his head against the back of the sofa. Slowly he pressed in ‘I’m sorry, I miss you’ before deleting it. He repeated it twice before he threw his phone onto one of the other chairs and hissed out a disgusted breath. What kind of person couldn’t even tell the boy he cared about the most in the entire world that he missed him?

 

**

 

Nick called in sick again the next day. Matt called just after lunch and told him to ditch whatever it was that had turned him into an arsehole and to be at the studio at six am, bright eyed and bushy-tailed. He ended the rather aggressive phone call with a menacing reminder that he did, in fact, know where Nick lived and he would be there at ten-minutes-past-six should Nick not be in the studio at six on the dot.

 

Nick was pushing his fork through a plate of noodles sometime after one when his phone vibrated under his thigh. Fishing it out, he looked down at Harry’s name and opened the message.

 

_Have you recently suffered a major head injury we should be aware of?_

 

Nick let out a frustrated groan and kicked the coffee table. Obviously he hadn’t thought that through too well and let out a squeal of pain when his very naked toes slammed into the underside of the table.

 

**_Don’t you start, Styles. I’m not in the mood for it._ **

 

Pocketing his phone, Nick hobbled into the kitchen and pulled open the freezer. Pulling out the half-eaten tub of vanilla Häagen-Dazs and grabbing a spoon from the drawer, Nick limped back to the sofa and used the underside of the ice cream container to ice his toes while he started digging at the over-frozen dessert.

 

_I really couldn’t care what you’re in the mood for. You know I don’t usually get involved, but this is bullshit, Grimmy. I don’t know what’s going on with you but sort it out and stop freezing Lou out. He’s fucking miserable._

 

Nick pushed a too-large mouthful of the ice cream into his mouth and squeezed his eyes shut as brain freeze short-circuited his brain momentarily. _Louis was miserable._ Lifting his phone to his ear, Nick pressed call and shut his eyes, praying to whichever god, goddess or overlooked deity who might be paying attention that Louis answered.

 

“Wh–“ Nick cut Louis off and blurted out, “Imissyouandimsorry.”

 

“Nick?”

 

Moaning pitifully, Nick reached over and put the rapidly melting ice cream container onto the coffee table and took a deep breath. Stuffing the phone between his shoulder and ear while he rubbed at his temples with two fingers.

 

“I said, I miss you and I’m sorry.”

 

“What are you sorry for?”

 

Nick bit his bottom lip and shook his head. Louis’s voice was that scary monotone he used when he was talking to someone he either didn’t like or who was annoying him. It was cold and detached, it had been so very long since it had been directed at Nick and Nick really didn’t like it.

 

“I’m sorry for hanging up on you. I’m sorry for ignoring your texts, for deliberately misunderstanding what you were saying so I felt momentarily justified for doing those things. And I’m sorry for being a great big tit who can’t even admit that he misses you so much it’s actually quite pathetic.”

 

Nick’s chest was heaving when he finished, so he tilted his phone up so Louis’s wouldn’t hear him practically gasp for breath. The other end of the call was painfully quiet, so quiet that Nick wondered if he’d been muted.

 

“You really are a wanker,” Louis whispered.

 

“I know.”

 

“I can’t fucking believe you did that!” Louis’s voice was louder this time.

 

“I know.”

 

“You _avoided_ me on purpose? I mean, I _knew_ but you admitted it!”

 

“I _know_.”

 

“And then you say that you miss me? Fuck you, Nick.”

 

Nick felt his bottom lip drop. He had expected Louis to be angry but the angry Louis in his head was easily cajoled by a rather vigorous bout of sex and hastily whispered apologies in the darkness. This very real, very angry Louis wouldn’t be so easy to sweet-talk.

 

“But I did,” Nick whispered, feebly. “I _do._ I do miss you, Lou.”

 

The deathly silence was back on the other line and Nick closed his eyes and waited. And waited. And waited, until– “I can’t do this right now,” Louis’ voice was quiet again, but the other kind of quiet that spoke of pent up emotions that Nick couldn’t smooth away with a deft hand. “I’ll talk to you later.”

 

This time it was Louis who hung up before Nick could say anything.

 

**

 

On Thursday, Nick faked it like a pro from six am until he was allowed to leave at two pm. He graciously accepted the bollocking that Matt gave him and managed to bite his tongue while the station manager gave him grief for forcing them into such a difficult position. He then went out with the team and proceeded to get thoroughly smashed on disgustingly sweet, overpriced cocktails. 

 

And when he crawled into bed just before nine he most certainly did not cry piteously into his pillow because Louis hadn’t called him back. He had just left his contacts in again, that was all.

 

**

 

Nick tried not to dwell on the fact that Friday followed in much the same fashion, sans being told off and with less tears while in bed, and more tears while hunched over his drink.

 

When he got home Nick crawled into bed and curled up around Louis’s pillow that now smelled more of Nick’s stale sweat and alcohol. That night Nick, with the help of an excessive amount of alcohol, called Louis’ phone and barely bit back a whimper when it went straight to voicemail.

 

“I miss you,” Nick mumbled into the phone. “I’ve been missing you since you left. I miss your arms and legs sprawled across mine.” Nick pressed his cheek against Louis’s pillow and let out a low whine. “Your pillow doesn’t even smell like you anymore, Lou. I wish you were here.”

 

The call continued like that for another thirty seconds or so, Nick repeating ‘I miss you’ and ‘I’m sorry’ until the call ended automatically and he passed out.

 

**

 

Nick spent most of Saturday wallowing over a large Dominos stuffed crust and a pot of coffee until he felt mostly human. He then followed it up with lo mein and egg fried rice  with sweet and sour pork, and half a family size block of fruit and nut dairy milk chocolate.

 

Wrapped up in a duvet on the sofa, Nick fell asleep watching black and white films on Netflix much earlier than he meant to.

 

**

 

“I will eat you for breakfast, Aimz,” Nick growled down the phone, smushing his face deeper into the couch cushion. “You’d better be dead or dying to call this late.”

 

“Uh, Nick?” Louis’s voice was hesitant, cutting through Nick’s sleep addled mind.

 

“Lou?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

There was a few moments of silence where Nick tried to force his mind to wake up and say something, anything, so long as it kept Lou on the line.

 

“I miss you,” Nick breathed.

 

“So I heard.”

 

Nick thought that Louis sounded amused but he knew better than to assume anything when it came to Louis. Holding his breath, Nick pushed himself up, his hand slipping against the couch and sending him sprawling onto his back with a quiet 'oof'.

 

“You okay?” Louis asked quietly.

 

“Yeah, ‘course I am,” Nick lied, blinking up at the ceiling. “Are you?”

 

“Yeah.” Louis was so quiet on the other end that Nick could hear him take a deep breath and the soft hissing sound of it being slowly let out before he asked, “So, you miss me, hey?”

 

Nick felt his cheeks heat up and he covered his head with the duvet like it could somehow prevent the blush from spreading any further. “Yeah, I miss you,” Nick whispered.

 

“Good.” Louis sounded amused but Nick was still smarting from their previous phone conversation and as a direct result felt hesitant about where they stood. “What have you been up to?”

 

Nick considered the question and almost laughed out loud. Instead he answered Louis with far more candidness than Louis was probably expecting if the silence on the other end was anything to go by. Clearing his throat, Nick pushed the duvet off of his head and eased himself up into a sitting position.  Squinting at the sound system, Nick tried to work out what the time was but he couldn’t be sure if it was two am or three.

“Lou?” He asked hesitantly after a few minutes. “You still there?”

 

“Yeah, I–” Louis stopped suddenly and there was a muffled cough before he continued, “Why’d you hang up on me on Sunday?”

 

If it wasn’t utterly painful, Nick would’ve been amused by the instant burning sensation at the back of his throat. Tamping down his sudden need to throw up, Nick pushed his fingers through his hair and drew his knees up towards his chest. He knew that if he wanted to fix this that he’d have to be one hundred percent honest with Louis and that was terrifying. He had never admitted to being a jealous or insecure person in anything other than a self-deprecating way before or while drunk which was essentially the same thing.

 

“I hung up because,” Nick drew the words out as long as he could without sounding utterly ridiculous. “Because sometimes I get jealous that other people can touch you when I can’t. And when you said you had boys to cuddle you I forgot, for a moment, that you were talking about your lads and I had an irrational moment.”

 

There was silence again and the inside of Nick’s head wasn’t exactly a fun place to be. He was pretty sure that his body was making itself ready to cry, laugh hysterically or throw up – it just wasn’t sure which way it was going to go yet. “Say something,” Nick breathed into the receiver. “Anything, just saying something.”

 

“You’re an idiot.” Louis sounded almost exasperated but fond at the same time, Nick wasn’t sure which. “And before that. I remember you calling me when I was drunk. What was that about?”

 

Nick groaned and dropped his forehead into his waiting, open palm. “I missed you,” Nick’s voice came out as a squeak and Louis laughed. “And I wanted to hear your voice.”

 

Louis let out a gentle almost wistful sounding sigh, Nick cringed and pressed his cheek to the top of his knees. “You are the most infuriating person I’ve ever met, Nicholas _Peter_ Grimshaw.”

 

Nick spat a hissing sound into the phone and closed his eyes tight, “Don’t fucking call me by my full name, _Lewis_.” There was no heat behind Nick’s words, he was far too thrilled that Louis was actually talking to him to be properly annoyed by the use of his full name.

 

Louis laughed and Nick wanted to suffocate himself with a couch cushion or the duvet. “I miss you too, you know? You don’t have to act like it’s the end of the world, you can just tell me.”

 

This time Nick let out a ‘pfft’ sound and rolled his eyes. “I wasn’t acting like it was the end of the world.”

 

“Yeah you was.” Louis was quiet for a moment and Nick almost forgot to breath. “You’re an idiot but you’re my idiot and I like that about you.”

 

Nick tried desperately not to smile but failed dismally. Grinning into his knees, Nick mumbled, “Can you ever forgive me for being a ponce?”

 

“Buy me dinner and watch that new Avengers movie with me when I get back and I’ll consider it.” Nick could almost hear the answering grin in Louis’s voice and let out a soft chuckle.

 

“Alright,” Nick agreed. “But in return I want one of those snow globe things with the Hollywood sign in it, and one with the statue of liberty!”

 

Louis agreed easily and then started telling him about his last week and the three cities One Direction had blazed through. After about an hour they reluctantly ended the call and Nick flopped back onto the couch with a grin as wide as his face.

 

**

 

Two months later when Louis _finally_ arrived home, Nick was waiting with too much thai food and the Avengers film queued up in the blu-ray player, all ready for Louis. Louis chatted happily, ignoring the film, while scarfing down spicy noodles and presented Nick with his snow globes and they both laughed happily. Nick because he finally had the snow globes nobody else had bought for him when he’d asked and Louis because apparently the look on Nick’s face was comical and wonderfully endearing.

Nick kissed Louis around a mouthful of kai yang, unable to help himself. Louis giggled and pushed lightly at Nick’s shoulders before reminding him that there was food and he promised that they’d watch The Avengers! Rolling his eyes and smirking, Nick watched Louis while Louis watched the film and then kissed him thoroughly when the credits rolled.

“I missed you,” Nick murmured against the corner of Louis’s mouth. “So very, very much.”

 


End file.
